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Morrigan

Triumph of hope over experience?

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Someone once said that 2nd marriages are this, ie a triumph of hope over experience. For me, it is going into therapy! I do it again and again thinking "this time it may work out." I don't like to count the number of therapists I've tried that haven't worked out, but it is well over the fingers of one hand, and probably nearer two hands. So I went to a new therapist yesterday, as there are a number of pressing issues in my life, and in my head, that need attention.

 

I saw a man, as I don't go to women any more, I find I get on better with men. He seems a nice enough guy, sharp and intuitive. The last one I saw, in the wake of the stalking, was intuitive, but unfortunately he seemed to me to be in the early stages of Alzheimer's, as he kept forgetting stuff. Not only stuff I'd told him, but our appointments too. That relationship didn't last long!

 

Have you ever tried therapy? If so, was it any good? If not, would you ever, if you felt you needed it?

 

danny-shanahan-lassie-get-help-new-yorker-cartoon_a-l-9166123-8419447.jpg

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When I joined the evangelical church, I used to stay at the house of an older woman. She was a licensed therapist, and the church recommended her to people that needed "therapy". Now this woman treated me like one of her daughters as I was the same age as her kids, and she was a very fascinating Jamaican lady. I stayed with her when she was home alone, and we would watch beauty pageants and church unapproved shows. Unfortunately, she also believed heavily in prophecy, and our sessions were weird.

 

In retrospect, there was no way anyone would have been able to crack that nut of confusion in my head since I had hidden all childhood traumas. However, I was not there for my childhood. Instead, the church felt I needed therapy from punk rock and socializing with gay men. Somewhere in the therapy session, she began to insist that I was going to marry this guy from church. Now the guy was a DOLL, but he was also super conservative and didn't seem to like black people. Nonetheless, the lady began insisting that I was going to marry him. My doubt about this whole thing, she claimed, was proof that I was rebelling against God. He finally ended up dating a friend of mine, and they got married. She took that as his rebellion against God, to my surprise.

 

I think that whole episode soured me against any therapy.

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When I joined the evangelical church, I used to stay at the house of an older woman. She was a licensed therapist, and the church recommended her to people that needed "therapy". Now this woman treated me like one of her daughters as I was the same age as her kids, and she was a very fascinating Jamaican lady. I stayed with her when she was home alone, and we would watch beauty pageants and church unapproved shows. Unfortunately, she also believed heavily in prophecy, and our sessions were weird.

 

In retrospect, there was no way anyone would have been able to crack that nut of confusion in my head since I had hidden all childhood traumas. However, I was not there for my childhood. Instead, the church felt I needed therapy from punk rock and socializing with gay men. Somewhere in the therapy session, she began to insist that I was going to marry this guy from church. Now the guy was a DOLL, but he was also super conservative and didn't seem to like black people. Nonetheless, the lady began insisting that I was going to marry him. My doubt about this whole thing, she claimed, was proof that I was rebelling against God. He finally ended up dating a friend of mine, and they got married. She took that as his rebellion against God, to my surprise.

 

I think that whole episode soured me against any therapy.

I like that cartoon, Morrigan. :)

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When I joined the evangelical church, I used to stay at the house of an older woman. She was a licensed therapist, and the church recommended her to people that needed "therapy". Now this woman treated me like one of her daughters as I was the same age as her kids, and she was a very fascinating Jamaican lady. I stayed with her when she was home alone, and we would watch beauty pageants and church unapproved shows. Unfortunately, she also believed heavily in prophecy, and our sessions were weird.

 

In retrospect, there was no way anyone would have been able to crack that nut of confusion in my head since I had hidden all childhood traumas. However, I was not there for my childhood. Instead, the church felt I needed therapy from punk rock and socializing with gay men. Somewhere in the therapy session, she began to insist that I was going to marry this guy from church. Now the guy was a DOLL, but he was also super conservative and didn't seem to like black people. Nonetheless, the lady began insisting that I was going to marry him. My doubt about this whole thing, she claimed, was proof that I was rebelling against God. He finally ended up dating a friend of mine, and they got married. She took that as his rebellion against God, to my surprise.

 

I think that whole episode soured me against any therapy.

I'm not surprised! the kindest thing one could say about your landlady was that she sounded extremely eccentric. IMO, therapy and religion/the supernatural, probably shouldn't mix!

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Yes I have tried them - I can see their value as I have used them at various times in my life when stress and strains have really made me anxious and depressed. I think I value talking with a therapist, as another outside pair of professional eyes who can look at and understand issues that I have little insight into (at that time).

 

in Australia we tend to call it counselling rather than therapy.. Perhaps therapy sounds too American and there may still be some sniggering or stigma attached if you say to someone "I am in therapy" rather than "I am seeing a counsellor" ..just an impression I get in my circle.

 

Also we have a system of Medicare rebates that used to only cover any appointments with a qualified clinical psychologist NOT someone who had done a counselling course, or a social worker with counselling skills. That type of appointment you have each session in Full with no claimable rebate .. So to me it was a no brainer to see a clinic psychologist and I usually chose a woman as I feel most comfortable with them.

 

Personally my big problem with any therapist is that they always want to go back to the very beginning and talk about my childhood in depth.

That takes so many sessions and while I understand that Family of Origin is the root cause of the way I think and feel about things today......sometimes I just want to cut to the chase.

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Yes I have tried them - I can see their value as I have used them at various times in my life when stress and strains have really made me anxious and depressed. I think I value talking with a therapist, as another outside pair of professional eyes who can look at and understand issues that I have little insight into (at that time).

 

in Australia we tend to call it counselling rather than therapy.. Perhaps therapy sounds too American and there may still be some sniggering or stigma attached if you say to someone "I am in therapy" rather than "I am seeing a counsellor" ..just an impression I get in my circle.

 

Also we have a system of Medicare rebates that used to only cover any appointments with a qualified clinical psychologist NOT someone who had done a counselling course, or a social worker with counselling skills. That type of appointment you have each session in Full with no claimable rebate .. So to me it was a no brainer to see a clinic psychologist and I usually chose a woman as I feel most comfortable with them.

 

Personally my big problem with any therapist is that they always want to go back to the very beginning and talk about my childhood in depth.

That takes so many sessions and while I understand that Family of Origin is the root cause of the way I think and feel about things today......sometimes I just want to cut to the chase.

I know what you mean about having to go over the distant past again and again, it gets to be one big yawn, and I probably already understand as much about how this has affected my present life as I am ever going to. I really just want help with current issues.

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I went to a therapist after my husband, Don, died at age 39. He said that I was actually angry at him for deserting me, then pointed to an ottoman, told me to pretend that was Don and give him hell. When I wouldn't cooperate, the therapist sent me home with some pills that zapped my energy and left me feeling like a zombie.

 

I threw the pills in the garbage and never went back for another session. Instead, I made the decision to heal myself with my own in-house therapy. I expressed my grief in poems and essays. I mediated, listened to motivational tapes and took long walks. When I was ready, I reconnected with old friends who shared my love of symphanies, ballet and stage musicals - which Don didn't care for. Oh, and we also went to baseball games at the Astrodome, stopping for a bag of subway sandwiches on the way.

 

Finally, I awoke one morning and knew I had recovered a joie de vivre that I thought was forever lost.

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I went to a therapist after my husband, Don, died at age 39. He said that I was actually angry at him for deserting me, then pointed to an ottoman, told me to pretend that was Don and give him hell. When I wouldn't cooperate, the therapist sent me home with some pills that zapped my energy and left me feeling like a zombie.

 

I threw the pills in the garbage and never went back for another session. Instead, I made the decision to heal myself with my own in-house therapy. I expressed my grief in poems and essays. I mediated, listened to motivational tapes and took long walks. When I was ready, I reconnected with old friends who shared my love of symphanies, ballet and stage musicals - which Don didn't care for. Oh, and we also went to baseball games at the Astrodome, stopping for a bag of subway sandwiches on the way.

 

Finally, I awoke one morning and knew I had recovered a joie de vivre that I thought was forever lost.

It's disturbing that you were just given pills. America's cocktail for quick fix is pills and prayer. Your method to deal with grief is very real. I sort of did this route after my father died. I just needed time.

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I went to a therapist after my husband, Don, died at age 39. He said that I was actually angry at him for deserting me, then pointed to an ottoman, told me to pretend that was Don and give him hell. When I wouldn't cooperate, the therapist sent me home with some pills that zapped my energy and left me feeling like a zombie.

 

I threw the pills in the garbage and never went back for another session. Instead, I made the decision to heal myself with my own in-house therapy. I expressed my grief in poems and essays. I mediated, listened to motivational tapes and took long walks. When I was ready, I reconnected with old friends who shared my love of symphanies, ballet and stage musicals - which Don didn't care for. Oh, and we also went to baseball games at the Astrodome, stopping for a bag of subway sandwiches on the way.

 

Finally, I awoke one morning and knew I had recovered a joie de vivre that I thought was forever lost.

I wont take pills. Rather face reality and heal myself.

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