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cestrian

Passive/aggressive behaviour - Aaaargh

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As some of you know I have 3 properties which I rent out, the past 4 months have been absolutely crazy ( hence not posting much on here). At last the house next door to me is finished - posh new bathroom/redecorated/new carpet throughout/new hardwood French doors etc., etc.

 

Whilst all of this was ongoing the tenants, who signed the lease in September, so knew about the disruption , were charged 50% of the rent (£300.00 p.c.m.)

I even put them up in another house whilst the builders were next door, so they weren't exactly camping out.

 

Anyhoo ............they acquired another car in January and started parking in my spare space, I told the husband that the rent would be going up to £625 p.c.m. after April.

I couldn't believe his attitude, but what really irritated me was the email which stated  "I know that people of 71 get stressed so I'll take over the business for you ", and references to his 71 year old mother (who from what I can gather is a needy neurotic)  so he's ageist as well.

 

"I haven't seen you for weeks so I was worried about you" was another sly dig and an intro into more passive/aggressive behaviour.

 

I've also been told to "Take a chill pill" 🤢.

I pointed out that even £625 was way below the market rent. 

 

Passive/aggressive in a nutshell, not something I come across very often thank goodness.

 

Does anyone on here have to deal with this sort of irritating behaviour ? I'm at a loss - I don't think people like that can ever change.

 

As an aside - I now have two South Africans next door, a Pastor (an African geezer who's lived in England for 30 years..........he keeps hugging me  🙄 I'll soon cure him of that 🙄)  at a "Happy Clappy" church up the road - he thinks he'll convert me.....................good luck with that mate 🤣 

 

There's also the lovely Maria who's a local lass (with clinical depression) who lives  in the house round the corner. She's on Housing Benefit which is £525 p.c.m., she has her 16 year old son living with her - for a 2 bed house this is the maximum H.B. IF you need the 2nd. bedroom which she obviously does.

She takes no nonsense from the students who surround her and doesn't come whinging to me about them.

 

A bit multicultural over here 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by cestrian

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I think the first tenancy sounds more like it has crossed over the line from purely business to a sort of friendship, at least on the part of the tenant. No way should  a tenant be suggesting what the landlord might need to do with their life. This could in part be because the house is right next door. 

 

Did you put the proposal to lower rent and then alter/increase  the rent after renovations, in writing in a letter to them as an alteration of their tenancy agreement ?

 

I think the comments about your age and competency to handle managing the properties are just rude and an outlandish statement on his behalf - why would anyone let a tenant manage the running of their property.

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Wow...what a condescending punk.   Tell him that 71 is the new 20s, and his age is the new 8-year-old.  

 

I would just continue to make your request.  Document all his comments?  Those words sound low key threatening, because he's implying something about your physical health.  If he descends into dangerous behavior, you will have sufficient evidence to back up your claims.

 

You seem to have other lively tenants. It almost sounds like a nice cast of people for one of those daily soaps.  That particular tenant sounds like the obnoxious one that gets swallowed by the mysterious 700-pound creature beneath your property.

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Actually, I just got into an argument with a 20-something kid, who tried to tell me how the 60s were.  I grew up in ground central black activism and hippies, so I am well-aware of what the 60s were like.   He suggested that I take a more holistic view of the 60s.

 

What's with these kids?  I realize that we're older, but experience does matter.  Someday, when this guy is in his 40s, someone is going to call him old.  He will pee in his pants.

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Maybe all the Ziboom demographic need to move en masse to an island near Sardinia or Japan where I am told older people are revered not reviled. 

 

It would be good to have the next generation of children and teenagers really respect and have affection for the elderly in their communities rather than as some do seeing them as a slow, dim witted annoyance. 

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Thanks for your input folks.

It was my decision to only charge 50% rent so it was a verbal agreement.

 

The cottage next door was let with one parking space but when they moved back they took the other parking space, now I must admit that when they came to view I mentioned that there were two parking spaces but at no time did I say that they both belonged to the cottage (my fault for not being clear enough maybe).

The lease was initially for 6 months - it expires on April 7th.

 

My point is that some people don't appreciate just how passive aggressive and insulting they sound (maybe they do ?) I've seen this on Buzz coming from certain posters.

 

I have the whole of the "discussion" on my emails, having had a protracted wrangle with the crazy woman who lived at the other house. I told Marco (next door) that all business dealings should be via email from now on.

I sent an email last Wednesday with the simple rent rise on it..............he paid it within an hour !

 

My "problem" (according to my friends who've known me for years) is that I'm a bit too straight talking - also known as tactless 🙁 I try to dress things up a bit, but then some people only hear the bits they want to hear and ignore the rest.

 

 

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13 hours ago, Versailles said:

I think the first tenancy sounds more like it has crossed over the line from purely business to a sort of friendship, at least on the part of the tenant. No way should  a tenant be suggesting what the landlord might need to do with their life. This could in part be because the house is right next door. 

 

Did you put the proposal to lower rent and then alter/increase  the rent after renovations, in writing in a letter to them as an alteration of their tenancy agreement ?

 

I think the comments about your age and competency to handle managing the properties are just rude and an outlandish statement on his behalf - why would anyone let a tenant manage the running of their property.

 

The line between landlady/friend/next door neighbour was a bit blurred whilst the building work was ongoing, so I pointed out to Marco that I'm his landlady first and foremost............I don't think he liked that very much.

I was also accused of putting the rent up out of spite................now spite is one thing I'm definitely not guilty of.

"Take a chill pill, now let's draw a line under it" he said, sorry pal, the line will be drawn when I say so.

 

The line has now been drawn 🤨

 

 

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6 hours ago, Versailles said:

Maybe all the Ziboom demographic need to move en masse to an island near Sardinia or Japan where I am told older people are revered not reviled. 

 

It would be good to have the next generation of children and teenagers really respect and have affection for the elderly in their communities rather than as some do seeing them as a slow, dim witted annoyance. 

 

I wonder how much of our social media society, where kids interact via online more than real life, play into this?  When the allegedly "founder" of Facebook tells people that individuals beyond 30 have gone past their best years, kids buy into that philosophy.  

 

In Asia, I think what helps is the manner of address that people use for older people. Younger people refer to older people -- stranger or not -- as "aunt" or "uncle".  The eldest are referred to as "grandma" or "grandpa".  However, their complaints are the same as the complaints I hear from friends about their kids/grandkids.  Japan has a real problem right now with kids disappearing behind doors and computers.  I guess that sort of stuff is bound to happen. 

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I was taught most of my behaviors from my parents, grand-parent, and various aunts and uncles.  Many of those teachings I still observe to this day.  It was not only the spoken teaching but the example they set with their own lives.  No drunkenness, no divorces, just lower middle class hard working people and yes, even church going )although my dad missed more Sundays than he attended.🙂

 

We generalize about these kids today but who were their parents/grand-parents, and what type of teaching and respect did they receive from them?  Some of you have mentioned your up-bringings and they are very sad to hear, especially for me, considering the love of a good family, albeit with little spare money.  I'm not sticking up for some of the younger set but wonder how much of the blame should fall on the parents who now complain bitterly?

 

Kids today, with access to TV and the internet have a plethora of bad choices presented to them, something that wasn't a part of my life as a child.  Nevertheless,  our kids and grandkids have the same  choices but their attitudes towards older people, and the less fortunate is admirable and my wife and I couldn't even wish for more love and understanding of our frailties ,   and with our means, there's no pot of gold to be divide up when we go so there's no incentive there. 

 

Sorry for the preaching but I hear it all of the time, on-line and in person.  Kids today are what they are and their behavior comes, for a large part, from the generation that birthed them.

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, DaveA said:

I was taught most of my behaviors from my parents, grand-parent, and various aunts and uncles.  Many of those teachings I still observe to this day.  It was not only the spoken teaching but the example they set with their own lives.  No drunkenness, no divorces, just lower middle class hard working people and yes, even church going )although my dad missed more Sundays than he attended.🙂

 

We generalize about these kids today but who were their parents/grand-parents, and what type of teaching and respect did they receive from them?  Some of you have mentioned your up-bringings and they are very sad to hear, especially for me, considering the love of a good family, albeit with little spare money.  I'm not sticking up for some of the younger set but wonder how much of the blame should fall on the parents who now complain bitterly?

 

Kids today, with access to TV and the internet have a plethora of bad choices presented to them, something that wasn't a part of my life as a child.  Nevertheless,  our kids and grandkids have the same  choices but their attitudes towards older people, and the less fortunate is admirable and my wife and I couldn't even wish for more love and understanding of our frailties ,   and with our means, there's no pot of gold to be divide up when we go so there's no incentive there. 

 

Sorry for the preaching but I hear it all of the time, on-line and in person.  Kids today are what they are and their behavior comes, for a large part, from the generation that birthed them.

 

 

 

 

You might be right, but I like to think that adults are ultimately accountable for their own behavior.  As you've pointed out, many of us have had rotten childhoods.   However, bad kids don't all come from bad homes.  Conversely, well-reared children don't always end up being good adults.  You are quite fortunate to have a long line of family living with you.  Your experience is really unlike anyone I know of in this country. 

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@Dave I agree that parenting have something to do with how childrens attitudes are shaped, but not a lot in this day and age as children are exposed to influences in their school life, from their peers and media too. 

 

I had a not very happy childhood but both my parents instilled an absolute respect for our elders and any community leaders or authority figures. So I dont think miserable childhood equates to a lack of discipline or values. 

 

Your family is an exception  - but then again it is only one (large) family in tiny area of the world eg a  small town in Mass. ...so not reflective of the population in general. 

 

 Maybe all the Ziboom demographic need to move en masse to an island near Sardinia or Japan where I am told older people are revered not reviled. 

 

It would be good to have the next generation of children and teenagers really respect and have affection for the elderly in their communities rather than as some do seeing them as a slow, dim witted annoyance. 

Edited by Versailles

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I understand what you folks are saying regarding good kids from sad families or bad kids from good families but a good and loving up-bringing and learning good and decent core beliefs does tend to get folks off on the right foot.  Everyone always loves to point out the drunk who came from a teetotaling family.  But statistics show us that the majority of people who have drinking problems come from families where alcohol was abused when they were younger.  There are connections and teachings made before we become  adults and chart our own courses.

 

Believe it or not, we may be, as you put it, a tiny exception in today's world, but when younger (1930 - 40's) families such as ours were not so uncommon and that was and still is living in a city of roughly 100,000 people.  Not a metropolis but not a small town either.  (But between you and I,  a small town would be my choice any time)

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Passive aggressive behaviour is the lowest of the low.  I hope you take no shit from this chap, @cestrian   £625 a month is indeed well below market rent, he should thank his lucky stars. 

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@DaveA you nailed it. In a nutshell we were the "kids of today" in our day, weren't we? 

 

The next generation has always blamed the previous generation for the state of things and the older ones will forever fret the younger ones over the future.

What's to be done?

 

In any case, this guy seems like a real entitled ahole. I could make a LOT of a prejudgments based solely on what you've shared so far @cestrian but that would expose my prejudice. I will say though that if he signed the lease in September last year and already expressed his plot to take over, he seems to be escalating fast. I would expect more interference from him, both overt (parking, encroaching) and especially covert (whispers, backbiting, undermining)! 

 Good luck with this one 😕

Edited by Winva
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This guy's in his 40's so not a young kid anymore.

 

I think he's just one of those people who think that if they rant on, then people will cave in. From what he's told me his mother sounds like a manipulative neurotic and I think he's slipped into her way of thinking.

 

He has no chance with me................I just dig my heels in, in fact I've been mulling over whether or not to give him his marching orders.

 

I haven't spoken to either of them (Marco or his wife) for a couple of weeks now and that's the way I like it. Maybe the message got through to him.

 

I mentioned on another thread that the "crazy cat woman" who lived in the house up the road also got abusive when I told her I was retaining some of her deposit. She was very abusive via email so I sent the emails to the Deposit Protection Scheme which was holding the deposit, I received all of the money I'd claimed back last week.

 

Another neurotic.

 

I've been a bit spoiled I suppose as I've had two long term tenants who have been absolutely great.

 

 

 

Edited by cestrian
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Update - Marco is creeping so much that it's unnerving, he keeps offering to do jobs for me - well he can p**s off.🤢

 

I'm still annoyed with him - I really didn't like the way he thought he could bully me, apparently he bullies his wife too.

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