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Important Facts To Remember

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#9) Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8) Life is sexually transmitted.

#7) Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6) Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5) Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years - unless you give them your email address.

#4) Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3) All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2) In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1) Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

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